


tommyinnit but he's the avatar

by axeidentall



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anyways, BAMF Toby Smith | Tubbo, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Found Family Dynamic, Ranboo and Niki will appear eventually, Sleepy Bois Inc-centric, and the world is at peace in this universe atm, and we die like tommyinnit, don't be weird, don't ship real people unless they explicitly say so, lmao suck it gremlin, mainly because he doesn't exactly care, most likely no angst, no beta we die like lunchclub, stop writing tubbo as a softie. he will nuke your house. he is a bamf. treat him as such, the bending type of each character will be revealed as they go, this is all platonic, tommy is a shit avatar, woop woop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 00:28:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30063888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axeidentall/pseuds/axeidentall
Summary: in which tommyinnit is the avatar but instead of promoting peace and balance, he promotes women and drugs. oh, and he steals a cow from the world's strongest group of benders: wilbur soot, philza minecraft, and technoblade.
Relationships: Dream SMP Ensemble & Sleepy Bois Inc., Phil Watson & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Niki | Nihachu, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 94
Kudos: 732





	1. what'cha got there? a smoothie

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230860) by [eneli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eneli/pseuds/eneli). 



> this is mainly crack because we need more crack in our lives after the stressful event that was c!tommyinnit DYING what the FUCK
> 
> also i haven't seen ALL of korra and therefore i am deciding that she simply Does Not Exist. just imagine that this universe takes place after aang dies. pretend that anything relating to korra doesn't happen (so no metalbender stuff other than toph, no futuristic society, etc etc). and yes i know the next avatar is supposed to be a waterbender. shhhhh. it is now a firebender. we don't talk about it
> 
> also also!! this work is inspired by eneli's vigilante tommy series! i simply love the way she writes tommy so that kind of humor is present in this fic. everything else is my own. go check her work out!!
> 
> ALSO ALSO ALSO: follow me on twitter @axeidentall >:D

_Long ago, the four nations lived in harmony._

_But everything changed when the fire nation attacked._

_Only the Avatar, master of all four elements could stop them._

_But when the world needed him most, he-_

"This is dumb as fuck," Tommy interrupted, spitting his gum on the floor, "who the hell told you this shit?"

Tubbo waved his hands in the air, offended. "You didn't even let me finish!"

"Bah," Tommy rolled his eyes. None of this information was necessary. "Yadda yadda, the Avatar has to restore balance, whatever. That's dumb. Who actually needs to know this stuff?"

Tubbo narrowed his eyes at Tommy, looking dangerously close to murdering someone. Considering there was nobody in the house but the two of them, Tommy decided he was most likely the prime target for Tubbo's impending wrath. Meaning that he should start looking for an escape exit. Now. 

The open window to his left looked quite nice.

" _YOU_ have to know this, idiot!" Tubbo huffed, stepping closer to Tommy, " _you're_ the Avatar! You need to know the history of your previous ancestors! Especially Aang, who was extremely influential to the state of our world today!!"

Tommy brushed him off, taking a step back. "Whatever. Uhng or whatever sounded boring anyways. I bet he hated women."

Tubbo's eye twitched. That window looked reaaaal slick.

"Hey, let's talk about thi-" Tubbo abruptly punched him in the cheek, causing him to stumble backwards. Yep, that was definitely leaving a mark. It's okay. The ladies love him for his charm.

"You little fucker- you _never_ listen to what I have to say, all you do is talk about women and drugs and- TOMMY, GET BACK HERE."

"Nnnnope!" Tommy hopped out the window, his lord and savior, "I'm gonna go get food!"

-

Tommy strolled through the streets, his right hand holding a bag of groceries, which included four packs of instant ramen, one bag of milk because he thought it'd be funny, a pear, two apples, and an empty Pringles can.

In his left hand was a strawberry smoothie.

Oh, and a lead, which was connected to a cow named Henry. Tommy had found him milling about alone in the street.

"Henry, stop thrashin', will ya?" Tommy grunted, "you need to look presentable for Tubbo. I pissed him off earlier, but he likes small animals, so maybe you'll make him feel better."

Henry, a 7ft tall cow, mooed.

"What do you mean you're not a small animal?"

Henry mooed louder and then butted Tommy's shoulder gently. Tommy looked to his left to see what Henry was so pissed about.

A man across the street was tapping his foot. He donned a brown beanie and odd clothes- Tommy remembered Tubbo describing such an outfit as North Pole Waterbender gear -and an extremely pissed expression. Ignoring the fact that Waterbenders weren't usually found in the rural towns of the Fire Nation, Tommy focused on the fact that this man was staring straight at him. 

"Hey, fella. Did a snake bite your dick or...?"

"No," the figure said pointedly, "but a _child_ just stole my friend's cow."

"Really?" Tommy raised an eyebrow, leaning against Henry, "they sound like an asshole. What do they look like?"

The man glared at him. "Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Fire Nation clothes. Holding a grocery bag filled with god-knows-what and very clearly a _child_."

"They sound stupid," said Tommy, before realizing that he was the aforementioned child. "Hey! Dickhead! I'm _not_ a child!"

"Well, you are an idiot," Beanie-Man grunted, "now hand over the cow. Phil loves that cow to death and it's his first once since we moved here. I'll kill you for it if it means he's not sad."

"Awe," said Tommy, beginning to run while dragging Henry behind him, "that's sweet of you."

"Get back here!" A shard of ice aimed for his head shattered against the wall next to him as he sprinted. More icicles shot at him, but Tommy weaved through them easily. Tubbo had thrown enough cooking utensils at him for him to know how to dodge properly. An irritated Waterbender across the street was no different.

"Nnnnnope!"

-

"So."

Tubbo clicked his tongue. "So."

"...How're you?" Tommy asked, but Tubbo silenced him with an eery smile. 

"What'cha got there, Tommy?" He asked sweetly.

"...A smoothie," answered Tommy. Henry, unable to fit through the doorway, mooed uncomfortably behind him.

"Uh-huh," said Tubbo, voice a sweet honey yet holding all the venom in the world, "and what else?"

"Um," Tommy hesitated, "a bruise. From you. From when you punched me in the cheek. And a few scratches from when some Waterbender guy tried to kill me."

Tubbo blinked, smile fading and morphing into one of minor surprise. "A Waterbender? Why here, of all places?"

"Dunno. Apparently he and his friend moved into town recently and bought a cow, or something." Tommy bit his lip.

Tubbo narrowed his eyes at Tommy, gaze flickering from him to Henry. "And the reason why he attacked you is...?"

"I may have stolen his cow."

"...Is that the cow."

"....Yes."

Tubbo pinched the bridge of his nose. "We have to return it, Tommy."

Tommy gasped dramatically, putting a hand on his chest. "Fuck no! I don't care if that Phil guy loves this cow, Henry is _mine._ We're basically soulmates. He can guide me on all my adventures with women."

Tubbo snapped his head up. "What did you just say?"

"Henry is my soulmate?"

"No, before that."

Tommy racked his brain for what he said. "That I don't care if Phil loves this cow?"

Tubbo clutched the sides of his head, looking like he was in deep thought as well as experiencing every form of rage known to man. "A Waterbender. A guy named Phil. Recently moved into town. Do those phrases ring a bell?"

Tommy looked around and did not hear a bell. "I don't think we have any bells here, Tu-"

" _YOU JUST STOLE A COW FROM THE LEGENDARY RETIRED EARTH KINGDOM GENERAL AND HIS COMPANION, THE NORTH POLE'S BEST WATERBENDER."_

"To be fair, Henry had already escaped from their land-"

_"TOMMY FUCKING INNIT YOU ARE THE WORST AVATAR I HAVE EVER SEEN."_

_-_

"Let me get this straight," Technoblade snickered, looking at an embarrassed Wilbur, "you, our ever-famous Waterbender, couldn't stop a _kid_ from taking Phil's cow?"

A splash of water headed for Techno's face, but he held out a hand and quickly evaporated most of it before it could hit him. "Shut-" Wilbur muttered, "-up."

"I think you're getting rusty, Wil," Techno grinned, "taking down enemy squadrons but not child thieves. You sure you're feeling alright?"

"Fuck off, Techno," Wilbur muttered, "there was something about him. I felt like spirits were yelling at me every time I tried to hit him."

Techno stared at him. Wilbur stared back, daring him to challenge his statement further.

"That," Techno began, "is going on my list of The World's Worst Excuses Ever. I think I would have believed you more if you said a dog ate him before you could get to him."

" _I'm not lying!"_ Wilbur cried. He whipped his head around to face Phil, who was reading at the dinner table. "You believe me, right?"

"Nope," Phil replied, ever so calm, "but I'm sure you just got unlucky, Wilbur. Don't let Techno's banter get to you."

"I am dead serious, Phil. Maybe we need to boot him off the team for a bit so he can relax. Maybe send him back to the North Pole to cool off."

Wilbur flipped Techno off. "Shut the fuck up."

"I'm just sayin'."


	2. two posts one month george pass me the blunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> find me @ axeidentall on twitter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i listened to the gnf onlyfans for two hours writing this  
> you bet your ass i have this shit memorized down to the second

"Wait, so those guys are like- war legends?" Tommy asked, sitting on the couch and leaning against Henry, who they had managed to shove through the doorway by breaking the entire top half of it, "the guy didn't look like one."

"You can't judge people based off of appearances, Tommy," Tubbo groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he paced back and forth through the living room, "he's destroyed more countries than you have taken showers."

"Hey! I am a clean man. The ladies love me, and they'd never love a filthy man!"

"Zero ladies love you. Name one."

"...Niki thinks I'm cool."

"She only tells you that because you start crying if she says otherwise."

Tommy puffed his chest out. "Men don't fucking cry! I would never. I _have_ never."

"Toxic masculinity," Tubbo glared, poking Tommy's chest roughly, "ladies would never love a man who believes in toxic values like that. Get yourself together."

Tommy sighed. Tubbo was right, for once in his life (what do you _mean_ Tubbo is always right? No no, _TommyInnit_ is always right. Except when he's not.) "Okay, okay, I guess you're right."

"Anyways, back on track. We need to return that cow." Those two sentences were quickly becoming Tommy's least favorite sentences. 

(Tommy actually had a mental list of his least favorite sentences. There were only two bullet points, consisting of "you are a child" and "empty the dishwasher". "We need to return that cow" was the next one to be put on the list.)

"I'm sure Phil won't miss it," he attempted to reason.

Tubbo did not listen to his wisdom. "The Waterbender- Wilbur, I think his name is -tried to kill you for it. I have a feeling he misses it."

"Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe Phil made him empty the dishwasher," said Tommy, shooting Tubbo a look. Tubbo narrowed his eyes.

"I always make you empty it because you have no _idea_ how to load it."

"Yes I do!" Tommy growled as menacingly as he could with his swollen cheek, " _you_ never put them in alphabetical order!!"

" _What the FUCK does that mean??????"_

-

"Did you see where the kid ran off to? I could try looking for him myself, seeing as Mr. Spirits-Are-Talking-To-Me couldn't track him down."

Wilbur glared menacingly at Techno. "He was right in the middle of the town's market center. _You_ go chase after the little bitch and see how fun it feels."

"I already have about a gazillion voices in my head. His spirit things are no different. _If_ they even exist," Techno fired back. He glanced to Phil, who was reading a book about sparring techniques.

"Well, Phil? Can I go?"

Phil looked up and gave a hearty chuckle. "You don't need my permission, Techno. I'm not your dad; go if you want to. I'm sure I could order another cow, though."

"Nonsense. That was _your_ cow. Your first one too. How dare he even touch it," Wilbur mumbled.

Phil rubbed the back of his neck. "I feel like you two are making this a bigger deal than it actually i-" he paused when he saw that Techno was already walking out the door.

"Beat his ass!" Wilbur encouraged. 

"Please do not," sighed Phil. 

-

"So your plan is to give him...this? In return for the stolen cow?" 

Tommy groaned. Tubbo was asking too many annoying questions, meaning he had asked one, which was one too many. " _Yes,_ Tubbo. It's a foolproof plan, because I never fail."

Tubbo narrowed his eyes, holding up Tommy's hard work. "Your idea of a foolproof plan is trying to find Wilbur again in the market center and hand him a paper saying ' _I'm sorry about the cow, but he's my soulmate so he's mine now. Also I am the Avatar and the man and the best'_???"

"It's not _just_ paper!" Tommy huffed, "I used specially crafted tissue paper."

"It's piss colored."

"Exactly." Tommy snatched the paper back. "It's guaranteed to work. Definitely. There's no way this can fail."

-

It failed.

Of course, Tommy would never admit that. 

"That is, uh, a nice sword you got there."

"True," said the very scary pink man. No, he wasn't scary- NOBODY was scary to the great TommyInnit -but he did make Tommy want to pee his pants a little bit. Just a little.

Tommy gulped, struggling to find an exit path when he was pressed against a wall with Pinkie Pie holding a sword to his neck. "Look, I have places to be, big man. I have to give someone something. Uh, for taking their cow. Y'know. Men things."

"I'm aware," said the man, devoid of all emotion, "the owner of that cow is my best friend." He reached up and rubbed his temple with his other hand for a second. Tommy didn't comment on the action for fear of fucking dying.

"Oh. You're definitely not Wilbur, and if Phil's your best friend, then you're..." Tommy squinted to look at Tubbo's squiggly writing on his hand. "...Tescoblayne. That's fucked. Why'd your mother name you after a supermarket? Don't even get me started on the 'blayne' part, that just sounds like a country farmer name gone wro-" The sword pressed into his neck further, effectively shutting him up.

"Technoblade," the man grunted, "my name is Technoblade."

"That's nice, Blayne," said Tommy, immediately regretting his words when Techno snarled, "I mean Tesco. Er- Techno. Ahem. Blade. Yes. Don't kill me. The only person who can attempt to do that is Tubbo."

Techno raised an eyebrow. "Tubbo?"

"Yeah. Stinky bitch. Doesn't even put the dishes in alphabetical order."

"I don't know what that means."

"You wouldn't, seeing as you're uncultured as fuck AND an anime weeb with that pink ha- WAIT I'M SORRY DON'T KILL ME"

"Tell me where the cow is, and maybe I won't," grunted Techno, crimson eyes piercing Tommy's, causing a surge of fear-powered adrenaline to course through him.

Immediately after, Techno groaned, momentarily loosening his grip on his sword and using his other hand to rub the side of his head. "Shut _up,_ " he mumbled, despite Tommy not saying anything. 

Tommy ducked under Techno's sword and bolted to the side, choosing to leave Pinkie Pie and his mental problems for another day.

"Hey- get back here, runt-!" Techno shouted, breaking out of his apparent migraine for a moment. He reached out and Tommy could feel the heat emitting from his palms even before the jet of flames burst at him. This man's fire was _hot_ , hotter than any regular Fire Bender's flames. It melted his prized piss tissue paper, which had fallen out of his pocket when he had run away. A shame. He had spent at least three minutes on that thing.

Tommy skidded to a halt and shot Techno's fire back to him, using a bit of wind to increase the size of it. Techno expertly sent the fireball back at Tommy, except with far more force than last time.

Without thinking, Tommy created a wall of rock to block the flames. Techno stared, wide-eyed.

"You're- you're the _Avatar_ _?!"_ He asked, stumbling on his words in pure shock. Tommy grinned. He was _so_ revealing his powers to people more often.

"What about it, Blayne?"

Techno's eye twitched, surprise melting off his face into his usual deadpan one. "You may be the Avatar, but you're still a runt. You forgot who I am."

Tommy began counting off his fingers. "Pinkie Pie, Tescoblayne, Blayne, Kaoru Sakurayashiki kinnie-"

"I destroyed more countries than years you've been _alive, boy!"_ Techno growled, "don't test me." He charged at Tommy again with his sword, which was now ablaze. Somehow, it didn't melt like a normal sword would; Tommy figured it was specially forged. He began deflecting each swing with a wall, creating one every time Techno began to swipe at him.

He underestimated Techno's fighting prowess. The man merely sped up his movements in response to Tommy's defense, moving so quickly that he couldn't keep up. To make matters worse, Techno swung with the same force as before, meaning he was rapidly cutting away at Tommy's walls.

Tommy wasn't fast enough. The sword swung at his neck and he knew he wasn't fast enough to be able to block it this time. 

The world went black.

-

When he came to, Techno was on the ground and Tommy was standing over him. The Fire Bender appeared to have multiple scrapes, minor burns, and bruises on him, but nothing life-threatening; he must've been able to hold his own against what Tommy knew instinctively was his Avatar State. He supposed Tubbo wasn't lying when he called Techno a war legend.

"What- the- hell-" Techno breathed, "that- that wasn't you. Th-The previous Avatars-"

"Oh, you met my friends, eh?" Tommy forced a grin on his face, even though his legs and arms felt like jello. He wanted to collapse to the ground and let the Earth reclaim him, but that would remove his Dominance, so he refrained from doing so.

"They're the spirits Wil was talking about," Techno muttered, more to himself than anything, "I-I kept hearing them in my head, then your eyes went white and I heard them all at once and-"

"Damn, made Tescoblayne basically piss his pants. Pretty sure I can die happy now," Tommy mumbled before giving into his desires and passing out on the floor.


End file.
